In or Out? Stay or Go?
Individual Discernment Coaching for Individuals
If you're considering divorce, you're facing one of the most consequential decision of your life, and possibly other people's lives too. One day you're sure, the next you're not. You want to make sure you're not missing something. Want to make sure you're coming at this from a place of true inner wisdom, not reactivity or an oversimplified story about your relationship or your parter. Or yourself for that matter.
Get the unbiased, down-to-earth, structured support you need and come back home to your best self to meet this moment. I'll help you figure out how to move forward — one way or another — with more confidence and clarity, congruency and kindness. You don't need to do this alone.
Are you in any of these situations?
We've Grown Apart
If you no longer feel connected or like you have much in common with your spouse, a marriage can start feeling really lonely. You might feel like your energy is going into other relationships and activities that help you feel alive, and have you questioning whether it's still a good fit.
Desire is Gone
Desire can slip away for so many reasons, and is often a mirror for emotional connection. All relationships also have a natural arc, starting with the delightful biochemical boost of new romance. Wanting a life filled with vibrant love is important, and it's useful to know how to make sense of what that means for you.
We Can't Communicate
We all need to feel understood and know our needs and opinions matter. If you and your partner have gotten to the point where everyday communication is hard (or simply avoided), it makes sense you'd be wondering how sustainable this is, and trying to figure out where to go from here.
There's Someone Else
If you've fallen in love with someone else, or have your eye on someone who makes you feel attractive, funny and desirable, that can create a profound sense of confusion when you also have a sense of commitment to your marriage or family. Life is short, but integrity matters. What to do?
In or Out? Discernment Coaching for Individuals
If you're thinking about whether you might want to end your marriage, or are having trouble finding the motivation or enough hope to try to put meaningful effort into finding your way back together, that can feel really confusing. And exhausting too. Not to mention lonely. You're neither in nor out, and the limbo can feel like it's own sort of purgatory. There are often lots of competing inner voices, and it can be hard to untangle the threads and quiet the noise enough to know what's really true.
You're in the right place.
There are lots of good reasons to do a discernment process together with your spouse, and when we talk, I'll help you figure out if that's worth exploring. For some people though, they're really not ready to involve the other person, and want to do some honest self-reflection and exploration to first untangle what's going on inside. I help people come home to the best in themselves to make sure they're being thoughtful, grounded, self-reflective and willing to attend to the ways they might play into the things that are bringing the relationship into question. Without judgment, and with lots of compassionate curiosity, we'll zoom the lens out, untangle the knots, and help you make room for all the different (often conflicting) thoughts and feelings that are keeping you stuck.
You may end up going on to do some discernment counseling with your spouse, or couples therapy, but some people, it feels right to first do some individual coaching to find your way towards more more confidence and clarity. If that's you, reach out today for an initial consultation.
Should I get divorced or try to work on it?
If you're sitting in that question, or even flirting with the idea of considering that question, that's a really hard place to be. For most people, it is really complicated, and not a question most anyone takes lightly. But if you're considering divorce and not 100% sure it's the right thing, that's worth listening too. It's too big of a decision to make from a place of reactivity, or without careful consideration from the clearest, most resourced place in you. Honest self-reflection is important too, to make sure you're clear about what's on your side of the net. Most of my 'leaning out' clients are thoughtful, caring people who can't picture a path forward with their spouse that feels enlivening, connected and supportive. Together we'll look at your relationship and at yourself, make space for the conflicting voices inside and help you come back to a place of inner knowing that can hold the complexity of your situation and this crossroads. We'll look at all the options and perhaps in a new way.
Solo discernment coaching is tailored to your unique situation and needs, but often includes several components. With over 20 years of experience as a somatic and IFS therapist and coach, as well as being a seasoned couples therapist and relationship coach and certified discernment counselor, I will help guide you through a personalized process to meet you right where you are. If your situation involves other complexities, we'll address those too. Below are some elements that show up with most clients...
Compass Calibration
Get grounded and resourced so you can trust yourself and meet the moment with calm, clarity, intention & integrity. Access your clearest mind and heart.
Inner Peacemaking
Quiet the noise and make space for the wisdom each of your conflicted parts is holding. Come home to your best self where it's not an inner tug of war.
Widen the Lens
Deepen your understanding of your couple dynamics and your own growing edges to expand your sense of agency & perhaps what might be possible too.
Values & Vision
Untangle some of the core dilemmas (ethical & existential) embedded in such a huge decision. Know what matters and why, so you're at peace however this plays out.
Path Forward
Chart a course for your next best steps, based on a deeper understanding of yourself & your situation. We'll get practical to help you get out of limbo.
Rachel Zamore, Certified Discernment Counselor
Relationship Coach | EFT Couples Therapist | Somatic & IFS-trained
Hi, I'm Rachel. I've been helping couples and individuals for over 20 years find their way through some of the absolutely hardest moments and decisions, and in a way that honors both their own deepest needs and takes good care of the relationships they've invested so much in. I love helping people slow down so they can move forward with intention and integrity, from the best in themselves.
With extensive training in both IFS and somatic approaches, in addition to being a seasoned couples therapist who deeply understands relationship dynamics, I've been told I have a unique ability to help people find more understanding and peace, and come into clarity about what matters most. Sometimes that means getting out of old stories and false choices. Sometimes that means making shifts internally or externally. But it almost always means that life is inviting you into the next chapter with more aliveness, alingment and meaningful connection. I'll help you ask the right questions, learn how to listen more deeply inside, settle the chaos, and take your next best step forward in a way that won't leave you second guessing. If you'd like to explore the possibility of working together, reach out today to set up an introductory call.